holiday shall start since exams are over

completed my 4th and final paper of the year yesterday.
headed immediately to the salon for a good wash and cut.
then to The Esplanade for Maksim’s Concert Classique with AV.
Concert Classique was amazing.
Maksim is a legend. my first and (up till now) only idol.

luggage is packed. was told that the temperature is at about 8 degC in Guangzhou.
hate it when it’s too cold.
but imagine all the shopping and eating I could do.
it will be well worth it.
so see u Guangzhou, Zhuhai, Macau and Hongkong.
I will be pigging my heart out from the 20th to 29th November 2009.

am flying in 6hrs.
good night world!

i am a failure

You don’t win silver, you lose gold.

Nike’s advertisement campaign in 1966 for Atlanta summer game
(which was pulled out for going against the Olympic spirit)

–

it is true. as long as you do not get the perfect score
or you are not the best among the best.
you have lost. whether is it 99/100, No. 2 or Silver.

YOU HAVE STILL LOST.
it doesnt matter how many people are trailing behind you.
you are still weaker.

i had my first examination on Monday.
after which, i almost cried while i was driving home.
it felt like the world came crashing down.

i thought getting your heart broken by the love of your life
was the worse emotional pain anyone could go through.
a form of pain by choice, unlike death which is a cycle of life.
however, i learnt that the pain inflicted by a human was nothing
compared to how i had felt when i knew that my hopes for 4 As to be achieved
was far beyond my reach.

i tried to made myself feel better.
3 As would be good enough.
but tonight, i had my 2nd examination.

it wasnt like i didnt know how to do it.
i did not have enough time.
and i didnt get to complete it.

now, i am only left with 2 possible As.
i am not sure if i could get it.
all i feel is despair.

i may have seen enough research to prove that academic results does not indicate a person’s intelligence.
and a person’s intelligence does not necessarily reflect their overall success in life.
but i am still upset.

i feel unworthy, and my self-esteem is running so low that it may hit the core of the earth.
i tried very hard to attribute my incompetence to external factors like everyone else do.

1. paper was too tough
2. topic was not covered
3. lecturer did not do a good job

i couldnt. i just couldnt bring myself to say anything like that.
instead, i concluded the following internal causes.

1. i am stupid
2. i did not study hard enough
3. i have bad time management skills
4. i need to do some serious soul searching
5. i need to push myself even harder for the remaining years

but truth is, i studied really hard.
i had never studied so hard nor so much for any exams before.
i pushed myself so hard that i could have fallen off the cliff.

when i got back, i told my mom,
“if i failed any of the modules, i would most probably jump off the building.”
i know i had frightened her. and im not the suicidal sort.
thats how affected i am by my failure.

but no, i dont intend to kill myself any time soon.
not for such stupid reasons.
but as i type and had some intrapersonal communication.

i feel a little better.
i will try to gather that pathetic morsel of strength left.
and do my best for the remaining 2 examinations.

meantime, i will plan on how to be more effective in my studies.

btw, if you think that i am being too harsh on myself since the results are not even out yet.
let me tell you. i know my performance best.

to end it off with my bodily reactions towards such stress.
I had experienced a few symptoms like first fever, then sore throat, diarrhea, insomnia, loss of appetite (something rather new to me as it only happened for 1 of my worse period in 2007) and finally loss of weight.

and i think i could really do with a big hug now.

309

the repetition of two 309 on Friday night was an amusing coincidence.
behind both 309 tells an extraordinary tale.

logically and intuitively.
I know things wouldn’t work out.

time may prove otherwise.
and I hope it really does.

wait, wouldn’t it be easier if u just make it work?
tragically both 309 just wouldn’t.

please prove me wrong.
I wouldn’t like to say, “I knew it!”.

sweet shampoo

I always feel a warm bubble of joy when my loves comment on my shampoo. be it lost love or new love.

S, “why do u always smell so sweet?”
(whenever he rest on my head in the past)

E, my ex of 2 years, comment that I never seem to change my shampoo. it had been 3 years since we walked separate ways. it’s amazing how E remembers the smell of my hair.

R, “I love your smell.”

J, “I love the smell of your hair” and asked, “What shampoo do u use?”.

I must be crazy to blog about the shampoo or smell of my hair. but after using the same shampoo for 7 years. I had been forced to switch brands because they changed their formula!

i think im falling sick

date/time: 29th October 2009/2148hrs
body temperature: 37.9 degree celcius
status: headache, bodyache, sore throat & blocked nose
lymph nodes: swollen & painful
examinations: in 12 days

Digital Fantasy

The time spent using our technological toys is often time spent away from social contact with significant people in our lives. This can strain relationships and produce disconnection with those we count on for support, affection, and love.

(Rothwell, 2004, p. 267).

Falling in love with a digital fantasy, rather than the real person that lives and breathes behind the monitor, is a common pitfall of net-inspired affairs.

(Tamosaitis, 1995, p.46).

Love is a flesh and blood attraction between people, not a disembodied electronic fantasy.

(Rothwell, 2004, p. 269).

Sometimes, there simply is no substitute for personal, face-to-face contact, as anyone who has tried to conduct a long-distance relationship can attest.

(Rothwell, 2004, p. 270).

last night..

last night,
when walking down the stairs in the dark.
he reached out and said,
“don’t worry. just hold my hand.”

–

last night,
I was told for the first time that I look cute in glasses.

–

last night,
UNO 2-1.
I won.

a beauty – KIA Concept No. 3

i know i really lag very badly when it comes to cars.
but i really really really must talk about this beauty.
which was shown to the world in March this year at the Geneva Motor Show.

KIA CONCEPT NO. 3

let’s hope it will go into production.
sighs. why do i always fall in love with concept cars?

photos courtesy of AUTOBLOG (here).

–

anyway, i was thinking about getting Rio (hatchback).
but yesterday, i found out there are no new ones for sale anymore.
much less in a couple of years. =(

but i really really really must talk about this beauty.

Sunday = Shopping Day

FIRST ITEM BOUGHT: CAR

in the morning, we headed to KIA’s showroom at Alexandra Road.
after spending an hour inside, dad decides to buy the Cerato Forte 1.6 SX (A).

Cerato Forte (Bright Silver)

Cerato Forte (interior)

photo courtesy of KIA Motors (here).

am no car whizz, so i am unable to explain on the technical aspects of this vehicle.
however, im really impressed with the overall performance.
especially the sound system!

now dad’s just waiting for the loan approval.
(which i dont really wish would go through,
because i very much prefer for him to save up some money for his retirement.
instead of buying a new car at his age.)

–

SECOND ITEM BOUGHT: MASSAGER

my mom’s old OTO trimax broke down yesterday,
so we went to both OTO and OSIM to check on their slim belts.

i must say i was very impressed with OSIM’s uKimono at S$328.

OSIM uKimono

photo courtesy of OSIM (here).

OTO’s Trimax TX-908 (only vibrates) was S$238 (if i didnt remember wrongly, it was in the 2-range) and comes with a free gift that is a handheld device (i think) that targets cellutlite.

OTO Trimax TX-908

photo courtesy of OTO (here).

advantages of uKimono over Trimax:
1. it has kneading action (that felt damn good), which u can select to just vibrate, knead or both at the same time
2. the casing was “cloth” instead of the leather that will also flake off like i had encountered in Trimax
3. there are 4 auto selection for, tummy, butt, thighs and lumbar

evenutally, i bought it at OSIM as a little gift to mom, because the service was so much better too!
when i stepped into OTO, there were 2 service staff.
1 whom served us, and spoke softly (without explaining to us the features except shoving the piece of paper with all the information into our hands).
the 2nd one sat on the massage chair and chatted with a friend (i presume),
and both service staff no. 2 and the friend just kept staring at us. -.-”
in summary, it was fucking annoying.

pps. i had a backache and laid on the uKimono, and the backache totally eased (even though this wasnt one of the features they advertised).

–

THIRD ITEM BOUGHT: 2010 ORGANIZER

great, i finally bought something for myself.
a S$3+ organizer (that is oh-so-tiny-and-cute), that i have always wanted. lol.

Luxe (super mini) 2010 Organizer

–

it really feels good to grow up, earn your own money and spend it wherever/whenever your like.
i feel very strongly about this whenever i walk into a candy store.

The Wonder of Words

“The choice of what words we may use determines what dreams we are able to express.”

- Gloria Steinem, author and activist

“A word is not a crystal, transparent and unchanged; it is the skin of a living thought, and may vary greatly in color and content according to the circumstances and the time in which it is used.”

- Oliver Wendell Holmes, physician, poet, and humorist

“We will try to persuade with our words, but if our words fail, we will try to persuade with our acts.”

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

ps. did u know that how funny a joke is varies from culture to culture?